Happy Thursday. I hope you all are having a fine day. Mine is feeling positive right now, especially as I settle in to chat with you and to breathe new life into these pages.
I’ve been ill for over a year now and this account and my blog fell by the wayside. I don’t share much about it while in the throes of uncertainty. Long periods of time can go by before I feel the ability to reach out to continue my work on and off-line.
However, today I acknowledge that I have experienced my post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms to the highest degree. These include panic attacks, depression, insomnia, isolation, estrangement, an inability to concentrate, and introversion. These issues have been huge obstacles for me problems since I was about six or seven. I handle it but privately struggle with its impact every day of my life.
For years, I worried about sharing myself through writing. I don’t want to add negativity and despair to the world, and fight that with everything in me. I would be devastated to learn that a vulnerable person happened across something I wrote and felt worse because of it. That kind of responsibility is scary but all I want is to share with others, teach, and, if possible, to inspire.
I worry too much, don’t you think?
I would much rather read an authentic experience, good or bad, than one that makes it seem like the person is standing behind a lectern and then going home to the perfect life. You are brave to set you real feelings out there for us to hear. It makes us care and wish we could help. And for someone like me, it helps me to be more authentic in my own writing. Thanks for sharing Terry! I hope by the time you read this comment you are feeling more centered.
Thanks, Linda. Me too. What did you do when the pain felt beyond anything tolerable?
It occurs to me that someone suffering a similar experience would find comfort in knowing they weren’t alone.
True, Jo-Anne. I know many times when I read authentic stories, I find something to help; even a thread is sustaining sometimes. A survivor might find something. Thanks.
Well, back in the worst of it I just tried not to kill myself. I am so thankful I didn’t do it because things got much, much better and I learned to love life again.